I’m writing this draft late at night after a long day at work and I am still working and looking at a large pile I brought home that just isn’t going to get done. This is yet another one of my drinking triggers. I am a perfectionist that thinks that everything needs to be done perfectly every time on time. I am also a person who doesn’t to work perfectly on time every time. This is then a stick I use to beat myself up for not living up to unreasonable expectations. Eventually the rest of my brain gets tired of getting beaten and says “screw this, we just need a drink and we can all feel better.” I am not going to drink tonight. Instead I am going to put this laptop down, play a game for about half an hour, take a shower and go to bed. There is always more work that can be done tomorrow. And no, I’m not going to take the time to search Flikr for a relevant picture. This post doesn’t have to be perfect, either. Good night.
One of my drinking triggers is boredom. Being bored, bored, bored. I find that I am the most bored when I spend long periods of time by myself. This is the major reason I could never work from home. By every three in the afternoon I’d be breaking out the gin and tonic. In fact, the last time I was unemployed for a significant period of time, I looked for work in the morning and was drunk by five.
To be truthful, when I am drinking, almost everything else that doesn’t involve drinking is boring. Or I think that anything that can be better after a couple of drinks. I’ll be more active and happy and have that pleasant warm glow. Of course, after a couple more, I’ll be an asshole and piss off most people around me. But by then, I’ll be drunk and won’t care. At least not until the next day during the hangover.
Today is a snow day. Work is closed because of the ice storm. This should be a danger zone for me. But I have power and lots to do. Writing this post, for one, and planning future posts has kept me busy for a while and I have broken the day up with chores, catching up on television, and baking. I guess this is what the self-help books call mindfulness. To be aware of triggers and danger zones and keep them in mind. Knowing that I had made a commitment to write on this blog about my path to sobriety has kept me thinking about it all day. I like that effect. It reminds me several times a day to think exactly what am I going to write about in describing my path to sobriety.